A book/course for learning Programming with real understanding of all concepts

I am sorry If my question is inappropriate. I need your advice/recommendation. I don't know how to put it. I have been self-learning programming for 2 years through YouTube and Udemy. But I don't have any confidence. I feel like I have only barely scratched a surface, and memorized code snippets without understanding underlying concepts. During debugging I feel clueless. I think I am in "tutorial hell". I feel like I don't know the essential concepts, how things work, how software is interpreted, cache, memory allocation, stack etc.

Is there any book or source that teach not just how to quickly build something but essentials of computer science/programming.